Category Archives: humor

My Super Bowl prediction and an appearance on KQED’s “This Week in Northern California”; Plus, a late final addition about the 49ers’ super failure

Game time is coming up and I have completed all my superstitious rituals that have helped bring me to a vision, of which I will share with you now.

But before that, this could have been a very literary SuperBowl, what with the Ravens named after the masterpiece of famed Baltimore homey Edgar Allen Poe. 

What if the 49ers had been named after the work of a San Francisco literary figure. Kerouac? The Roadies? Jack London? The White Fangs? Danielle Steele? The Romancers?

No, no, no.  Last night, the movie version of the great Dashiell Hammett classic was on. Imagine the Ravens vs. the Maltese Falcons. 

No?

OK, nevermore.

I’m feeling 24-20 for some reason.

Here’s how it goes, 49ers score first with an Akers field goal (hooray!) , then add a TD, a run by Frank Gore, then another by Kaepernick.  That’s 17 in one half.

The Ravens come back after the field goal to go ahead 7-3.

Niners make it 10-7.

Then make it 17-7 at half-time.

In the second half the Ravens come back, scoring to make it 17-14.

Twice more they penetrate 49er territory, but get only field goals to go ahead 20-17.

In the final quarter, the 49er offense wakes up with some long passes to Vernon Davis.

And then sensing man coverage at the line, Kaepernick uses his legs to score a game-winnng touchdown.

49ers go ahead, 24-20.

That’s my copyrighted vision of today’s SuperBowl  that I have licensed the 49ers to use as they wish.

If you’re a better and take the Ravens and the points, or the 49ers giving, the line is 4, and what do you know, it’s a push, a tie.

That should make the Harbaugh’s parents’ happy.

But the 49ers win the game.

BTW, I made a rare appearance on the KQED “This Week in Northern California” program where I joined a panel talking about immigration reform.

If you missed it, here’s a link to the TV show.

LATE ADD: OK, my prediction, the game, nothing worked out quite the way I said. For the most part, Beyonce won the game, as the 49ers were lip-synching through three quarters. But then came that 34 minute delay due to a power failure. You mean a 49er power failure wasn’t enough, now the Superdome had to be less than super?  And though what usually is spawned by a power failure is a baby boom nine months later, this power failure birthed an explosion of energy from the 49ers who nearly made it all the way back from the dead. 28-6 certainly made us all more interested in whatever buffet was before us and not the football game. But then, the 49ers began to play,  outgaining, outscoring the Ravens, topped off with a Kaepernick score to bring the 49ers to a 31-29 deficit.  The Ravens added a field goal making it 34-29. Then, with the ball on the Baltimore 5-yard line, the 49er juggernaut hit a wall–the Ravens defense. Four plays, goal to go, and nothing. No runs, passes. Lots of penalties. Oh, those aren’t penalties? Well then, the pistol was shot. The 49ers empty.

Oh, what could have been? From 34-29, the Niners go 36-34. Flacco and the Ravens still had a lot of time to drive for a game winning FG or a TD. Or maybe the 49er defense finally prevails. We won’t know that ending. We’re stuck with the one we’ve got.

A Super Bowl win you cherish and commemorate.  A Super Bowl loss burns eternally.

You do learn from it, as team and as a fan. And you go on from there, perhaps to achieve or witness greatness again.

But until that happens, you can never quite turn off the lights on such a super loss.

 

Sports: Asian-spotting the NFL: Claiming Robert Griffin III

By his place of birth, Redskin quarterback Robert Griffin III could be an Asian American.

Born in Japan, where his parents were serving in the Army, Griffin and his family moved back to the U.S. and lived in a number of places before settling on Texas.

Certainly, there are no shortage Asian American/Pacific Islander lineman and defensive stars in the league. But who wants to root for blockers all day? After his first day on the job, RGIII is going to be a massive offensive star in the NFL.

Before things get out of hand and he does more than Subway commercials, Asian Americans should just outright claim RGIII as one of ours.

We should learn from the Tiger Woods lesson. Let’s get him to at least acknowledge he’s an “NFL-sei.”

Why not? If he were born in Mexico, the GOP would call him Mexican and want him deported. Especially, if the immigration officials weren’t Redskins fans. Oh, and by the way, that name Redskins. Still? Really? You can’t be diversity’s team with a name like that.

I bet you the guy’s good at math, too.

For his incredible debut, RG3 for Asian American of the Week!

 

Dear Ann: My job offer to Ann Romney

Ann Romney never worked a day in her life.

Let me rectify that.

Ann, I ‘ve got some light filing you can do. And I can pay you the San Francisco living minimum wage even (much higher than what they pay in Utah, or Massachusetts, or Michigan, or wherever you domicile these days).  You’ll get the experience you need to counteract all those mean Democrats who’ve gone over your resume and don’t think you can survive a finger nail break. 

I think my job would be a better defense for you than your current surrogates. Like last night, there was Sarah Palin defending you on Hannity’s show, saying how you did have a job—raising five children.

Come on, Ann. I know you contracted out some of that job. I’ve met one of your nannies (on a plane in buisness class)  and she said you were a nice employer. But I think she did all the heavy lifting in that job. 

That’s all right.  You can start for me hourly.

Call it my attempt at some affirmative action for rich, white women who just can’t seem to catch a break these days. 

I’ve got your back!