If you want to know the way the winds are blowing in advance of Tuesday’s Florida GOP Primary, trust the Amok Hair Poll.
Believe me, all I know about hair I learned from my TV News career and Ronald Reagan. And from my vantage point in the reddest part of the bluest state, I can tell you that the latest development, Herman Cain’s endorsement of Newt Gingrich, does nothing to alter the race.
Cain is a …BALD man. And the bald vote is not in play in Florida.
The best Cain could do for Newt is not endorse, but merely take away Gingrich’s hairspray and muss up the white helmet look. Or change the helmet from an SEC football-style to a USC Centurion-style with that mohawky spike down the middle.
Or just let your hair hang down, Newt. It might solidify the “foreclosed on and unemployed” vote you desperately need in order to win on primary day. Until then, Gingrich needs so much hair spray to maintain his position, a victory seems unlikely.
As for Mitt Romney, he’s actually gained in the Amok Hair Poll. In a few recent photo-ops, the Mitter has appeared absolutely dishevelled– for him. A hair out of place? How about hairs? This is a good development which indicates Romney has actually been outdoors! Maybe even talking with regular folks. His hair in Debate II this past week was almost Brian Grazer-like spiky. This is a good trend for Romney who needs to overcome his image of “Perfect Rich Man.” I mean, the guy didn’t even claim a home mortgage deduction. He’s otherworldly. That’s why the hair is important.
As for the others, Ron Paul and Santorum look like Supercuts guys.
Santorum has an altar boy cut. I’d still question his views on the life of the human hair follicle. When does hair begin?
Paul, on the other hand, has a durable cut—a haiirstyle that should wear well on the moon.
The value of our poll is quite clear. There are no more debates to make up ground before the vote on Tuesday. Candidates can squawk from the stump and ad blitz all they want. What’s really going on? It’s in the hair.
Note to media: You may use Amok Hair Poll results with proper attribution.
